I recently had a conversation with a friend who was looking to start therapy for the first time. She told me that she had spent hours looking for a therapist who would be a good fit for her, worried about questions like “Will I get along with the therapist I choose?” “Will I be comfortable with them?” and “Will they be sensitive to and aware of the issues I am faced with?” My friend felt so caught up with these questions that she had put off beginning therapy for weeks! I figured that many other people may be in the same boat, especially given the fact that with the internet, we can look through pages upon pages of therapist listings. With that in mind, I wanted to give some tips to people who may also have these questions.
- Reach out to a therapist you want to work with before scheduling a session.
Most therapists or their agencies offer some form of consultation prior to the first session. If you saw a listing for a therapist that you think would be a good fit, but you still have questions, write them an email or give them a call. For example, maybe you saw a listing for a trauma informed therapist, but you are wondering if she is comfortable working with issues related to domestic violence. Simply reach out and ask! Therapists are honest people and if they truly do not believe that they would be the best choice for you, they will let you know and possibly provide alternative suggestions.
Don’t get too caught up in the treatment modalities offered.
Often on a therapist’s listing, they indicate a therapy or modality they use to inform their practice. This can be helpful as some people know exactly what type of therapy they want to try. However, many people may not be familiar with these and that is OK! A lot of treatment modalities are a bunch of letters like “CBT,’ “DBT,” or “ACT.” All treatment modalities have been researched and proven to be effective and you may benefit from any number of these modalities.
Communicate your preferences.
At the start of therapy, it is vital to communicate your needs and preferences. I typically ask my clients what traits they find most important in a therapist and try to find out more information about communication styles that are effective for them. This is the time to be honest and straightforward. You might tell them, “it is important for me to have a therapist who I can laugh with” or “I do not do well with a ‘tough love’ approach.” Therapists may have a certain style but are typically willing to accommodate your needs into their practice.
Give your therapist feedback!
Trust me, they will not be offended. Therapists want to know how you feel during a session and our job is to help ensure your comfort. If you have engaged in a couple of sessions and you are feeling uncomfortable in some way, address this with your therapist. Discomfort can arise for many reasons and it can be empowering and therapeutic to explore this in therapy. Or maybe your therapist has suggested exercises that you do not like or find helpful. Let them know this so that they can figure out how to improve their suggestions for you. Therapists are flexible and receptive to feedback, so make sure to communicate with them before giving up on them or deciding that they are not a good fit!
Kimberly Tiscia, MSW, LCSW
Kimberly Tiscia, MSW, LCSW
Kimberly sees individual clients in Plainfield, IL, and clients from IL via telehealth. You can contact her at Kimberly@hammondpsychologicalservices.com,